I was once slapped by a monkey ~ Adventures while traveling in India #TrueStory #Travel #India #Expat #MEMOIR #NONFICTION #CREATIVENONFICTION #THISISMYLIFE

It was actually an ape, but for some reason being slapped by a monkey sounds way cooler. Anyway, here’s the story:

On our trip to India a few years ago, we stayed in Udaipur for three days. Totally cool town, by the way. I recommend visiting. During this visit, we decided to go check out Chittor Fort. I was a little leery. If you’ve been to India, then you know getting around is anything but easy. Always an adventure, but never a simple one.

Chittorgarh_FortChittor Fort is a two-hour drive from Udaipur. Like so often in India, public transportation wasn’t an option. We’d need to rent a car. There was no way I’d drive in India myself. I can’t even imagine how you would go about renting a car. The paperwork such an action would create must be crazy. Did you know India and bureaucracy are synonyms? Then, of course, there’s the chaos of driving on Indian roads. Um. No thanks.

With limited time, we decided to hire a driver. This decision did not fill me with joy. I have a bit of a problem with riding in a car when I’m not driving. It makes me kind of anxious. I need control of the vehicle! Don’t even get me started about buses. *Shivers*

Anyway, we hired a driver and off we went to Chittor Fort. What none of the fancy travel websites mentions is that among the old palaces, temples, and towers, there are apes everywhere. Literally, every-freaking-where.


Couldn’t find a picture of an ape from our trip but here’s a cow – because cow’s are cool.

What I also didn’t know is that apes are adorable, especially the babies. I couldn’t help myself from taking tons of pictures and leaning down to get closer to the babies. I may have reached out to pet one. Big mistake. Mama ape took one look at me and knew I was trouble. She slapped me against my calf and yelled at me. I’m sure she said something like ‘get away from my baby, you brute!’

Properly chastised, I ran off while my husband laughed his ass off. And that’s how I learned to never pet baby apes again.

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