That time I almost bought a house of ill repute #Memoir #Nonfiction #TrueStory #CreativeNonfiction #ThisIsMyLife

lady justice

What I thought being a lawyer would be like. It wasn’t. 

After working as a lawyer for a decade, I was done. D-O-N-E! Done! I loved law school. Loved it! But the actual practice of law – yuck. Hated it! I tried – literally – ever legal job I could land. I worked for the government, non-profits, boutique law firms, big corporate firms, etc. etc. Spoiler alert – they all sucked.

Law was obviously not for me. Okay, then. What now? After much soul searching and having a billion ideas shot down by the hubby, I decided to start a spa. But not just any spa – a weight loss spa. There was no way we could set something like that up in the Netherlands. The housing prices are obnoxious in this country. We decided to start our search in Belgium.

While scrolling through the property listings one day, I found a place near Spa-Franorchamps. It’s a beautiful location and not too far from the Netherlands. Score! I called the real estate agent to arrange a viewing. She was overly cautious when I spoke to her. “It was a private club,” she said. I had no idea what she meant. Just like any other time I didn’t understand what was going on, I plowed forth.

When we arrived at the location, nothing seemed amiss from the outside. It was a large house with lots of property – exactly what I was looking for. The first rooms were fine as well – kitchen, living room, etc. Then, we went upstairs and toured bedroom after bedroom after bedroom. Each room had not only its only sink – which is normal for older houses in the region – but also its own toilet right in the middle of the room without no type of separation for privacy. Okay, this is getting weird.


The Belgium Ardennes region.  By Jean-Pol GRANDMONT – Own work, CC BY-SA 2.5,

Then, we entered the master bathroom. The entire thing was pink with gold trimmings. Not only were the faucets gold but they were shaped like dolphins. At this point, I’m starting to get a bit giggly. We walked through the connecting door to the bedroom and lo and behold there was a mirror so the occupants of the bedroom could watch the goings on in the bathroom. My imagination starts running wild.

We moved on to the attached ‘club’. I thought an attached club would be super handy for my business idea. I could turn it into a gym or restaurant. What I walked into was a strip club complete with stripper poles on each table – each glass table. The glass tables threw me for a loop. I don’t think I want to see a strange man’s lap when he’s  watching a pole dancer. Nope. No, siree bob.

I quickly marched onto the attached pool – another reason I thought this property would be perfect. A pool is a necessity for a weight loss resort. The pool needed some reconstruction. No biggie. No, the problem was the hubby who kept making snide remarks about how much we’d need to clean it. I was losing my battle not to laugh.

red-deer-76961_1920The view from the pool was gorgeous. The property included several acres of land. And deer. Yes, a herd of deer came with the property. What also came with the property? A restrictive clause in which we had to promise not to eat the herd of deer. At that point, all hope was lost. I quickly thanked the realtor and hurried to the car where I collapsed in fits of giggles.

We ended up not buying the property.



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